Week 21- Flagging and Self-flagellation

Tired.  It’s a funny little word isn’t it, but actually, it is entirely perfect for what it is.  Unlike in my very first post where I wondered why we call Cancer, Cancer, when it is already pretty hideous without needing to sound worse, Tired sums itself up perfectly.  It has, you could argue, been improved yet further by the addition of a .com.  Is there anything that sums up a state of affairs better than a  I think not.

I am  Up until this point, I would say that Chemo has treated me reasonably well, touch wood (again, what is that all about? ‘touch wood, which of course I just did, as if that is going to save me from any impending doom that Chemo could bring).  Now however, I do feel as if I am flagging.

Waking up before I go, go…back to bed…

The tiredness is something unreal.  I can get up in the morning, but then feel by 9am as if I could go back to bed and stay there for the day.  Maybe it is the onset of winter, and that my body is now using every ounce of energy to fight infection but it is beginning to feel, over the last few days as if it is devoid of energy completely.

Proper Chemo…therapy…

Mauritius- that I believe, is a former French colony.  I wonder then, if I could move to Mauritius just for the winter whilst I have Chemo treatment and still have health coverage?  What a difference it might make strolling along a dusty road to your chemo treatment in shorts and a t-shirt with the sun beating down, rather than wearing four layers and a down jacket to combat the zero degree temperatures whilst travelling up winding mountain roads to The Shining?

If you think about it, maybe every country where the average temperature is less that 25 degrees Celsius should send people abroad for chemo treatment?  Idealy, we could have a specialist ‘Chemo Island’ where we all have our own little chemo huts on the beach. We could get our meals delivered every day and never come into contact with other human beings apart from on Facetime order to limit our risk of infection. I could work with that for 18 weeks.  After all, they do it on ‘I’m a Celebrity’…sort of…

Find me a whip…

The worst thing about being is the guilt.  I should be up, Marie Kondo’ing my apartment, or getting on with work, but some days, even emptying the dishwasher feels like I am about to try to run up Mont Blanc barefoot.    It is irritating, when I see so much to do around me, but like everything, you just have to hold on to the notion that ‘this too, shall pass’. I am off now, but if you need me. I am sure you will know where to find me…


  • Elin

    Sweetheart! You’re allowed to be tired… you have a good reason to be, and to do absolutely nothing. Most things around you can wait, and if they can’t – give me a call. Happy to help with cleaning/shopping/making a cup of tea. As you said; this too, shall pass. Sending a warm hug and loads of energy your way. X

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