It’s not that bad, I’m not about to go out and buy myself a sportscar or take up with a twenty year-old. However, post-cancer treatment combined with Coronavirus lockdown has definitely given me itchy feet.
My google maps timeline has shown me that I have travelled a total of one kilometre for the whole of May, and only one kilometre further in April, when I was staying at a friends’ chalet. It has become the new normal for all of us. We have become hermits, not by design and not by choice, but by the needs of the world.
You do get used to it, and not having to be ‘on the clock’ as most of us are all day every day is refreshing to say the least. Odd though, isn’t it?
Where did you go to my lovely?
It also gives us a lot of thinking time, and I think that is where my post-cancer crisis has come in. I had a discussion with my son about some of our campervaning trips. We have been to lots of places in France, Spain, Italy and the UK. Most of this occurred when he was 5/6. Lots of it he doesn’t now remember, despite having the memory of an elephant.
What concerns me, is that his over-riding memories are going to be sick mother. Mother who couldn’t watch his carnival procession. Mother who spent the afternoons in bed.
No rest for the wicked…
There is also, fuelled by the much smaller world we live in, the increasing knowledge that cancer doesn’t really get ‘cured’. Yes, you might be living with ‘no signs of active disease’ for the rest of your life, but equally you might not.
It is that thought that is fuelling my ‘post-cancer treatment crisis’. What if it does come back in three or four years’ time? Will I be able to cope with the crazy level of treatment again or will it have long-lasting effects on my body and my psyche?
It is something which is driving me to consider new adventures because, what if, in three or four years’ time, there is no opportunity left for adventures?
I’m sure it sounds maudlin and negative to some, but I am acutely aware that for many people, continued treatment is exactly what life becomes. From my own perspective, I hope that this quote commonly accredited to Mark Twain will apply to me:
‘Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.’